Tour guides will soon no longer be free labor for Duke. Starting April 32, the Undergraduate Admissions Office will begin paying them in KinzCash, the coveted currency used only in Webkinz World.

“Even though we have an $8 billion endowment and pay co-op students to sit at desks doing nothing, we’re still too poor to pay tour guides who actually work with real money. “, said the administrator of Duke, Chronicle H. Ater. .

Ater hopes the new KinzCash payments will encourage more students to become tour guides.

“I think Webkinz is a great virtual representation of buying, saving, and accumulating wealth,” he said. “Ninety percent of Duke students become investment bankers and consultants anyway, so we’re hoping they’ll take the opportunity to become a tour guide, earn KinzCash, and practice first. to invest in the Webkinz World.”

Tour guides will be paid 69 Kinzcash for each visit. In order to receive payment, tour guides must first purchase a $60 Webkinz from the college store and create a Webkinz account. KinzCash cannot be converted into Flex Points or Food Points either.

The students had a lot to say about this new change.

“Love it,” said current tour guide Bro Kass Stoodent. “If I spend all my time doing tours, I can buy this very expensive toilet for my pet Cheeky Monkey.”

Later that week Stoodent passed out from exhaustion after giving his 100th round and was sent to Dr Quack for consultation.

“Duke is definitely heading in the right direction,” said tour guide No Moony. “Giving Duke students the chance to sell a deceptive and glorified image of the University in exchange for fake money is truly an unprecedented opportunity.”

Editor’s Note: Happy April Fool’s Day! In case you couldn’t tell, this was a story for our satirical edition, The Chomicle. Discover more stories from Chomicle here, guaranteed to make you laugh or your money back.

About The Author

Related Posts